I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
