you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
