I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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