he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
