he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
