i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize