NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
