When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
