so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
