..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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