i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
