I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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