I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
