"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
