I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
