My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
