Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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