I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
