Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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