i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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