Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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