You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
