Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
someone owes me an orgasm
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
