Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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