did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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