Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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