im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
