apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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