you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
