I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize