i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
