so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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