You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
