party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
