we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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