Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
