I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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