Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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