just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
