His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
