I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I could fuck to npr.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
