He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
