I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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