Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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