All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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