Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
