I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize