I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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