I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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