Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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