i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
