If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
