gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
