So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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