Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
