You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize