Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize