your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
