my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
