Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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