WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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