well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
