Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
