Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
