Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
