you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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